InteracInteractive theater like Sleep No More is the worst place to hold handsveteer like is the worst place to hold hands

What I’m about to say may make you feel angry and defensive, but listen: I’m right.

If you’re a couple going to an immersive play like Emursive Productions’ Sleep No More or their new show Life and Trust, I need you to stop holding hands during the show. Just stop it.

If you’re not familiar with these plays, they take place in massive sets that span multiple floors. The action flows through the space, with actors constantly in character as they move from scene to scene — with several scenes happening simultaneously. You, as a spectator, can choose where you want to go at any given time. You can explore the set, or follow a specific character through the entire play. At Sleep No More, you can just sit in the bar and listen to lounge music! It’s your choice.

Importantly, if you go with a bunch of friends or, yes, even a partner, you can end up having totally different experiences of the show. In fact, one could argue that this is the intention.

But every time I go to one of these shows, without fail, there are multiple couples holding hands the entire time. They are running up and down the winding stairs while holding hands. They are moving down dark, maze-like tight hallways while holding hands. They are attempting to chase down actors while tethered to each other like they’re stuck in a finger trap.

It’s. Very. Annoying.

First, this is purely a logistical problem. If you are holding hands with someone, you are slower. You just are. And that means you’re getting in the way, and holding up everyone who is trying to follow the actor you’re following. It’s rude.

Also, by being codependent and forcing yourselves to have the same experience of the show, you’re diluting it. I saw Life and Trust with a group of six people. We went in together, but split up at the top of the show. I ran into my friends a few times during the night, but honestly the space was so massive that I barely saw them. That was because, hear me out, we were making different choices.

I’m probably projecting here, but the hand-holding experience looks incredibly frustrating to me. What if you and your partner want to follow different actors as they leave a scene, or explore a different floor of the set? Who gets to make that decision, and how do you feel good about it when you’re in a space where talking is prohibited?

At Life and Trust, I chose to follow specific characters throughout the night. I figured that this would take me through most, if not all, of the rooms and be a good way to experience the plot.

But my friend Tara Burton — an author with years of experience attending and critiquing immersive theater — chose to explore the set instead. She spent the night playing detective, opening drawers and reading documents. We both got to do what we wanted, and I can’t imagine how annoyed she would have been if I had been dragging her from floor to floor in pursuit of a charismatic performer. Conversely, I really appreciated hearing about the information she found in our post-show discussion, but I didn’t go to Life and Trust to read letters. (I went to Life and Trust to sprint up and down six flights of stairs and become Very Sweaty.)

When my group reunited after the show to discuss it, I got to hear about scenes and characters that I had missed entirely. And while, yes, I wish I had seen two sweaty men having a homoerotic fight in the boxing ring that I didn’t know existed, my friends were pretty jealous that I had gotten a one-on-one with an actor who tied my hands up with a rope, in a scene that was part cats’ cradle and part shibari.

We got to excitedly share stories of what had just happened to us, and talk through the differences in our experiences. This is fun! Would it have been cool to see those scenes alongside my friends? I guess so, but I honestly don’t care! If we had stuck together, we all would have missed huge parts of the play, because it’s simply too big to be seen in a single viewing.

If you simply must be together the entire time, surely you could follow each other without the added burden of blocking a stairwell because you need to walk two-by-two. A discreet sleeve pull could signal to your partner that you want to move to a different scene, no? In the larger rooms, you could even sidle up beside your partner and quietly slip your hand into theirs, in the dark as you watch a scene. Wouldn’t that be nice? While you’re standing still?

That’s the compromise I’m offering, but honestly, do yourself a favor: Experience the show alone.

I enjoy debriefing after a regular sit-down play or movie as much as the next person. But immersive theater is not a sit-down play. It’s an experience you’re meant to pursue independently. And I’d rather smash my own kneecaps with a baseball bat than be forced to follow anyone else’s whims or desires when I’m at an interactive play.

Let go of your partner’s hand and dare to experience a different show. You will still be able to bond over it, I promise.